"As a child, we traveled a lot. My father was an ambassador, and I was afforded many luxuries - summers in Kakheti, winters in Saint-Martin-de-Belleville, bed linens of the highest and most opulent thread counts - but the one opportunity I was not afforded was the chance to settle in any one place for too long.
Tiga Far From Home
In my teens, my travels brought me to the quaint village of Montreal. The town was ablaze with sexual energy. I swiftly forfeited my virginity to a young courtesan whose gender I've forgotten as the years puttered on. What I'll never forget is the night I discovered Tiga. From that evening on, I knew I would never be 'Far From Home.'
When I left Montreal, I brought a piece of Tiga with me. He was in my iPod, but he was also in my heart. My appetite for pleasure became insatiable. As I became more experienced in my conquests, Tiga gave me the confidence to approach Alex, who would become my first love. Although hesitant when I walked up and whispered in his ear, "You gonna want me," 72 hours later we were engaged.
Tiga You Gonna Want Me
When Alex broke my heart, I was devastated. I got a job in a coal mine and started working Overtime. I began exploring bizarre fetishes, including a quite expensive one revolving around Shoes. Eventually my father's chauffeur came to retrieve me and I snapped out of it.
When I arrived in New York, I started a world premiere luxury garbage company and amassed the great fortune I'm known for today. Eventually I was able to buy several Bugattis and other expensive machines, including a cold press juicer and a $20,000 Apple Watch for my niece's golden retriever, Petunia.
On Friday night, as I approach my one hundred millionth dollar, I will be having a celebration. I'm taking over the jacuzzi room at The Standard, High Line also known as "Le Bain". I've invited my favorite DJs in the world, including Tiga, Dan Wender, & Blacky II to perform. Of course, like the greatest things in life, it will be free."
Words by Rinsed.