The Standard Interview

First Time, Last Time, Best Time, Worst Time with Nikki Glaser

Yes, Nikki Glaser does talk about sex on TV for a living, but it’s not all dick pics and giggles on Not Safe, her show that premiered earlier this year on Comedy Central. The comedy veteran (she’s been doing standup for over a decade) might be a self-proclaimed “perv,” but she’s actually a pervert with a purpose: Not Safe deals with subjects like toys, fetishes, and labiaplasty not just to titillate audiences, but also to remove the stigma around some of the less-publicized aspects of human sexuality in order to empower and educate younger women viewers who may think they are weird and alone in their proclivities. This season Glaser has also tackled social issues like campus rape and gender inequity, frankly and without fear. (If you don’t laugh watching Glaser and comedian Kyle Kinane provide live dialogue to porn stars, you, my friend, are made of stone.) Standard Culture caught up with Glaser to talk about her first, last, best, and worst times.
The first time you made someone laugh:
My Aunt Lynn was really scared of ants, and I just remember being like, “It’s weird that you’re scared of ants, and you are one.” To me that made sense, but everyone was like “that’s so clever!” I was probably six.
The last time you were turned on in a strange or unusual situation:
When my boyfriend cried. It was the only time I had ever seen him cry, and I got really turned on because he was showing emotions. 

The first time you watched porn:
I don’t remember the first time, but I’ve watched porn as long as I can remember. My dad worked for a cable company, and we got free pay-per-view. One weekend my parents left me alone, and I watched it all day long. I was turned on, but I felt so ashamed of it. Like I was a disgusting pervert. But actually, I was awesome.
The last time you watched porn:
One of the porn stars we got to be in our thing where Kyle Kinane and I talk in the porn stars’ ears is Luna Starr, and I follow her on Twitter. So porn is on my feed all the time because of her. It’s great. All of a sudden there’s an asshole right after a fun political joke from one of your friends. It just really humbles you. 

The first time you ever did standup:
It was in 2003. I was a freshman at University of Colorado, and I did this talent show thing on campus. I think I did twenty minutes. In my head, I killed! My friend held up my cell phone so my dad could listen. When I got off stage I started crying and I called my dad and told him, “I know what I want to do the rest of my life.”

The best time you had at a strip club:
I went with my boyfriend once in New Orleans and I got groped by an old man. He thought I was a stripper because I was wearing a leopard-print sweater. He was like 90. I was almost flattered. 

The last time you went to a sex shop:
I went to a sex shop to take a blowjob class with my mom for the show. But really it wasn’t just for the show, it was also a Father’s Day gift.
The first time you felt like you had made it:
When I passed at the Comedy Cellar, I felt like that was a big moment. Because that was the big boys’ club. That was the adults’ table. It was a big moment for me. I felt like a real comic. 

The last time you got hit on by a stranger:
Twitter, all the time. But they just say things like “sit on my face.”
The worst time you ran into an ex:
When he’s going down on me. Just kidding. But I did used to hook up with a lot of exes. Probably at a show I bombed on. That’s always the worst, when you bomb on stage in front your ex. It’s like running into them without makeup on. 

Kill time with our favorite Nikki Glaser moments:


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